Life is all about choices. We all know that. (Of course there are an unlucky few who have no choice in some matters....but at this moment I'm being selfish and focusing on me).
My life has certainly been all about choices. Starting in high school: what school to go to? What to major in? Where to go to grad school (that wasn't really a choice, I only had 1 option...but I'm not counting that)? What to do with my career? Where to work? Do I really want this dang drive every day?!? What people to surround myself with? Who to "settle down" with? Buy a house? Have kids? Get married?
All of these things I've made choices about. Some more unconventional than others mind you...especially in the kids/married department. I made a choice, long, long ago, when I was but a wee one that I did not want children.
I've never been the "maternal" type, except with animals, but even then the burdens of pet ownership are costly, emotionally and financially. It started when I was 3 and my younger cousin was born. Most little girls that age are fascinated by babies, they think of them as living and breathing dolls. Not me though! I was grossed out to no end by this squirming, drooling, stinky thing that was set before me and introduced as my cousin.
Fast forward about 10 years later and one of my older cousins had just had a baby. His obnoxious wife asked me if I wanted to hold the child, and I politely declined saying (and yes this is mature of a 12-year-old) "No thank you, I'm not comfortable holding babies." Her reply to little ol' me: "Well, you don't have to be a bitch about it!" That caused a little rift in the family that has since been mended.
Anyway, my views on babies and children in general haven't changed much through the years. I get annoyed to no end when I hear a baby crying, or a child screaming at the grocery store. I mutter things under my breath that are better left unsaid (or at least undocumented!). Most times when I'm handed a baby I put my hands up like I'm being robbed and slowly back away from the situation.
I just have no desire to have children. Most people just think I'm a cold hearted bitch, must like my cousin's wife assumed. But I'm not. Really I'm just partially terrified of them, and partially disinterested in being spit up on (or worse!). I like my life, nay! LOVE my life. I am free to do as I please, take whatever vacations, I want, when I want, do my own thing (with Wino of course ;) ), drink my wine, and eat fancy food. Frankly a life with kids would deprive me of one of the things I hold dear in my life: freedom!
I don't want that lifetime responsibility of raising a child. Nope, that's not for me. I also don't want to be pressured to ogle and coo at other's children. If you ever hear me say (after being shown a picture of someones kid) "Oh, it's a baby!" know that I am being insincere and that kid ain't cute. I'm not one to lie and say something is "adorable" if it isn't. Pointing out that it's a baby (and putting an exclamation point after that) is my way of being polite. No, I don't think all babies are cute (I'm totally going to get hate mail for that one....).
My point in this lengthy rant is that everyone around me is having babies (except the ones closest to me, thank god! I don't want to lose my friends to the "family way" just yet!). I'm having babies thrust at me at an alarming rate. I'm proud and happy to say that each and every one of these kiddos is cute (so I don't have to lie) and I have yet to be forced to hold one.....but.....
I'm quickly approaching one situation this weekend and I'm terrified. No one in my family has had a baby in about 9 years. But! said younger cousin from my first encounter with a baby, is now a daddy himself. The family is overjoyed. This will be my first meeting of the little Jelly Bean, and I'm hoping like hell that my cousin's wife doesn't have a "don't be a bitch about it" moment with me when I politely decline to hold her child. Yes, I am nearly 29-years-old, and I still refuse to hold babies. I like my shirts to remain clean, thank-you-very-much!
Sigh, anyway, choices are hard, especially when you don't want to offend people you care about. I'm just praying to keep a good relationship with my cousin. He should know that I'm not a baby fan, and will hopefully not even offer her up for my embrace. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
